Maydare Volume 1 Prologue

 Just started this on a whim. The update schedule will probably be pretty sporadic. I think I'll use the spellings from the manga as well, unless you guys don't like it...? A reminder that this translation is for the light novel, not the web novel. If there are any mistakes, please let me know.

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I have an unrequited love.

“You had a dream? What kind?”

“Mmm...a falling dream.”

“The hell’s that? You’re probably worrying too much since you’re studying for exams.”

“Not failing, a dream where I’m falling down! ...Well, it’s true that I’m worried about exams though.”

While talking nonsense with each other, my childhood friend Saitou was once again stuffing his cheeks with umeboshi onigiri from the convenience store today. I was in love with him.

However, this love can never happen. Because…

”Hey, Saitou. You know Tanaka-san’s in my class, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Tanaka-san said that she has something to tell you after class.”

I told him my classmate’s request nonchalantly.

“Hah?” Saitou said. It was a response appropriate for a boy his age. 

”And, she wants you to come to the school roof today after school.”

“...”

“Isn’t that great, Saitou? You said she was cute before.”

I was just teasing him, but he made a weird face again. I really was happy for him.

Saitou was silent for a bit afterwards, looking agonized as he pushed his bike.

Well, that’s what happens when you get called out by the most popular girl in your year…

“Um, Saitou.”

“...What.”

“I...like…y...”

Am I going to get the jump on my friend and confess before her?

In the first place, I was the one who liked Saitou first.

“Mmm, it’s nothing. ...After school on the school roof. Don’t forget.”

But, I was scared. I didn’t have the courage.

Pathetic me, always unable to say what I was thinking.

This was when I had just started my third year of high school, which could be called a turning point in my life.

〇 

I failed my high school entrance exams and disappointed my parents greatly.

It was because I didn’t get accepted into the private elite school that my parents and older brother attended.

I thought I was doing my very best, but it didn’t pay off.

“Don’t cry. ...Isn’t it good, now we can go to the same high school.”

The person who said that was my childhood friend Saitou, who lived in the same apartment as me.

Saitou, who lived on the same floor as me, found me crouched at the door crying by myself on the evening of the day the acceptance announcements were made.

I see. As long as I’m with Saitou, it’d be fine, right?

Rather, my second-choice school was closer to home, I heard the cafeteria’s food was tasty, and the uniform was cute.

It was a relief not for my parents, but myself, and I had hope for the future. That was my one saving grace.

After entering high school, I went to school with Saitou almost every morning, and we exchanged words when we passed each other in the hallway. Sometimes we would borrow books that we had forgotten from each other, and often we would go home together after retiring from club activities. 

There were some who mistakenly thought that we were dating, but that wasn’t the case.

However, certainly, I’ve liked Saitou for the past three years.

But, I never had the courage to confess, and our relationship remained as childhood friends. 

I probably didn’t have confidence in myself.

If I confessed to him, this cozy childhood friend relationship would end, and it would only trouble him. That was why it was so scary.

Recently, I’ve been using studying for university entrance exams as an excuse to avoid telling him my feelings.

And yet,

“Um, you see, Oda-san, I might like Saitou-kun too.”

The one who whispered that into my ear was my classmate Tanaka-san.

She was girly and cute, a nice and likable girl. Of course, she was popular with the boys.

However, she said some outlandish things sometimes, and she was a bit of a dreamer, so among the girls, she was said to be a bit weird.

It was easy for a cute and slightly weird girl to antagonize other girls.

Originally, Tanaka-san had joined another group of girls, and I don’t know what happened, but it seemed that at some point they started to ignore her and leave her out.

I was in the same class in our second year of high school, and I would invite her to eat lunch with me.

“Hey, Oda-san, look at this hairpin! It’s the same as yours, in a different color!”

Tanaka-san followed me wherever I went and, in any case, tried to be like me.

For example, the hairpin she used, and her favorite stationery. She tried to match all her belongings to mine but in different colors, and even her regular clothes outside school were gradually becoming similar to mine.

She probably didn’t want to be hated by me. I think she wanted to make conversation with me.

On the other hand, Tanaka-san also taught me many fun things. She was a member of the library committee and seemed to love novels and manga very much. She lent me several of her recommendations and told me that she was secretly writing a novel herself. 

My family was strict, and setting novels aside, manga was banned with no exceptions, so secretly reading the stories I borrowed from Tanaka-san was fresh and enjoyable. As well as listening to her talk about her novel.

Yes. We shared a lot of things with each other. Interests, secrets, and the person we liked.

But…

She didn’t have to be the same as me, down to the person we liked.

“You…like Saitou?”

“Yep. He’s cute, and he’s nice. We’re both on the library committee, so when we were both on duty one day, we talked a little bit about our paths after high school. And he thought about it very seriously. A dream like wanting to be a novelist…I was so happy he didn’t make fun of me.”

Inwardly, I was feeling discomposed.

It was true that Saitou and Tanaka-san were involved a lot with each other through me, but she knew I liked him.

“We’re graduating next year, so I’m going to summon my courage and confess to him.”

“...Yeah. I think that’s great.”

“You mean it!? You’re really okay with it!? Thank you, Oda-san! Um, I just need a little bit of your help with something. It’s after school tomorrow, but…”

I wanted to say things like “No” and “You know I like Saitou.” But I couldn’t make the words come out at all. 

If the other person was Tanaka-san, I was no match for her.

For example, if it works out between the two of them, then I was just in the way.

〇 

I hated the me who hid my own true feelings at a time like that, and only said harmless and inoffensive things.

Tanaka-san got my blessing, so she didn’t do anything wrong.

In the end, the one who confessed first was the winner, even if they held back their friend and got the jump on them rather than stepping aside and regretting it. In fact, it was brave.

The one to blame was me, who didn’t have the courage to lose anything, like Tanaka-san.

“No, I’ve had enough. I’ll prioritize exams. Things like love...I’ve had enough of it.”

Anyone who devoted themselves to love should fail their exams.

While steadily nurturing such dark feelings, I trudged out of the school gates after school.

Right then, an unfamiliar “blond-haired” man passed right beside me…

“...?”

I only gave him a side glance, but he was a young man who had almost horrifyingly handsome and even features. While thinking that he might be a new English teacher, I turned around.

“Ah…”

Because of that, I caught sight of the figures of Saitou and Tanaka-san on the roof. The two were facing each other and talking about something. I wondered if Tanaka-san was confessing to Saitou right then.

The scratchiness in my chest grew more and more.

Was I going to step aside for Tanaka-san and graduate from high school without saying anything to Saitou?

“I'm...not okay with this after all.”

Getting rejected by Saitou anyways even if I confessed, or getting looked down on by Tanaka-san.

I was scared of possibly losing them both at the same time. But, if I let things stay like this, I would regret it even more.

“I still want to tell Saitou I like him…”

I turned on my heel and, just like a scene from a teen movie, I ran. And ran.

I returned to the school I had just left. The setting sun shined into the school building after school. The hallways I ran through and stairways I dashed up were dyed orange.

Perhaps Tanaka-san had already confessed to Saitou.

Perhaps Saitou had already accepted it.

But, I——

“Saitou, Tanaka-san...!”

I opened the door with a bang and came out onto the roof.

For some reason, today’s sunset was tinged with a strange redness, and it filled the sky.

There was an open space on the other side, so I was sure the two of them would be there. I took a deep breath and headed over there.

Even if I was betraying my close friend, I wanted to confess to the person I liked.

Yes, I had resolved myself, or I should have.

“...Huh?”

But, there was something off.

The concrete floor, which was dyed redder than the sunset sky.

A sea of blood was spreading--and two bodies, lying down.

What I saw there, lying face down in a pool of blood and not moving, was Saitou and Tanaka-san.

“Ah…”

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing was real, and I couldn’t breathe, just standing there stock-still. The color was slowly draining from my face, and I started trembling.

What...is this.

The two of them, are, dead…?

“No matter how many times we’re reborn…”

A voice came from behind me, and I turned around with a start.

A man with the hood of his jacket pulled deeply over his head was there, and he took it off with a blood-covered hand. 

“Ah…”

It was the blond man I passed at the school gate earlier. But he was glaring at me with eyes glowing in a garnet color, something that didn’t seem to look human, and there was a blood-soaked knife in his hand.

Could it be that this man stabbed Saitou and Tanaka-san?

I didn’t know anything. I didn’t know anything. All I had was a great terror.

I ran to the end of the roof with shaky, staggering steps. 

This was the roof. The doorway was in the man’s direction.

In a spot where there was no escape, I leaned out over the railing and shouted “Help, help, help!” many times.

But maybe I wasn’t loud enough. From where I was, I could see the sports ground, where students were doing club activities, but nobody noticed me.

——Thump.

After feeling a pressure on my back, pain coursed through my body.

I understood what happened to my body. 

I was also stabbed by a knife. Just like Saitou and Tanaka-san.

“Maydare.”

The man murmured that word into my ear.

Like some kind of switch was flipped, I felt a strange sound click inside of me.

“No matter how many times you’re reborn, I will kill you without fail.”

Without understanding the meaning of those words, I was pushed by that man, and from that rooftop, this body fell, fell, fell——

There was a nasty sound, something shattering and breaking.

Aah…

I don’t know where, what, or how did I go wrong for my life to end like this.

I grew up doing exactly what my strict parents told me to do, but even so I was unable to meet their expectations, had no confidence in myself and couldn’t say what I wanted to say. I couldn’t tell the person I liked my feelings, and I couldn’t even face my close friend head-on and fight with her.

For example, what if I had clearly told Tanaka-san I liked Saitou too?

For example, what if I was able to tell Saitou “I like you” even if I got the jump on my friend?

As a result, what if nobody came to this rooftop?

If I had settled these “unrequited feelings,” would our futures have changed even just a little bit? Or would nothing have changed?

If I were to be reborn.

I wish that next time for sure, I am someone who is brimming with the courage and self-confidence to tell the person I liked, “I like you.”

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